


poems with little effort

by puffsbullshitery



Category: Original Work, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Body Horror, Depression, Don't Judge Me, Drug Use, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Free Verse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love Poems, Mutilation, No Beta read we die like men, Not Beta Read, Poems, Poetry, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, amateur, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29031552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puffsbullshitery/pseuds/puffsbullshitery
Summary: a bunch of shitty poems read if you want they won't make sense





	1. a strong person has many weak strands

as my golden hair dries  
i look at myself and think  
what a mess i've become  
my blue eyes with custom bags  
to my sore worked back  
i grab my locks and braid them  
1  
2  
3  
they intertwine  
it forms some neatness upon my disheveled stature  
if only i had some youthful glow left  
i wish i hadn't have wasted it all  
practicing, challenging, improving  
i work my petite hands as i tie off the plait  
twenty three inches  
it's gotten so long  
when did i cut it last?  
i don't remember  
others prefer to shop and socialize  
while i sit and wait  
going out seems fun but  
my energy was already ravished  
i lay in peace as i wish  
for a fragment of childlike hope  
that i'm permitted to sink my teeth into  
i wipe off the color i applied to my face  
and my tiredness is more apparent  
i live to serve like a faithful knight  
but force once i wish to be your highness  
i drop my shirt from my trembling hands  
i've never been too graceful  
on my body it lays and rests  
and points out things i do not want  
the things i see as flaws  
and the things men like to stare at  
i hate those things  
i don't want them  
i wish to look undefined  
as my hair dries  
the braid becomes tangled  
messy and unkempt  
i grab the tie and pull out my hair  
to start it once again


	2. what once was stone now turned to gravel

edges rough   
mind distraught   
remnants of my selfish thoughts  
slick hair  
painted face  
reminding me of my disgrace  
weak body  
down i tumble  
slowly as my soul crumbles  
it's a pain   
to play these games  
as i pretend i'm staying sane  
the things i hear  
they instill fear  
looking back it's not the same  
i collect my pieces  
that are now rubble  
for i don't want to cause more trouble  
kicked to the curb  
is where i should be   
left to rot peacefully  
clammy hands  
wet eyes  
dry, i spoke  
"my final goodbye"


	3. him scented

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of child abuse if you're uncomfortable with that dont read

he hits me sometimes   
not enough to leave a mark   
but just enough to make me cry  
he says we're the reason he drinks  
i hâte that smell  
makes me nauseous   
though i have never had a drop  
that smell that burns your throat  
as sharp as his words   
coarse rough and harsh   
his cheap cologne   
pierces my nose and dries it out  
sandalwood and fresh rain   
im growing to hate those scents too  
i don't want anything that smells like him  
i don't want anything him scented  
the smells hit my brain in the wrong spots   
they make me feel things nobody wants  
he smells like the worst cologne in the store  
the cheapest beer on the shelf  
the oldest shoe in your house  
the wax you put on your car  
the metal screws of a watch  
the leather of a belt  
the grossest smells you could ever think of  
i don't want anything him scented


	4. don't you want to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of suicidal thoughts, body mutilation, and death if you're uncomfortable with this dont read

don't you wanna murder me  
see how my body bleeds  
watch me as my eyes fall  
let me die slowly  
i'll be the one that dies  
hope and love in their eyes  
color draining from my face  
gone from the human race  
watch the people walking by  
going on a joy ride   
take my soul down to hell  
toss my body in a well  
laugh at me as i die  
gouge out both my eyes  
tell me, what do you see?  
a person dying happy?  
watch as i flee,  
watch as i be,  
watch as i count down   
watch as i get spell bound   
slit my throat and my thighs  
castrate my disguise   
take me to my house  
which is buried underground


	5. Friendly Moon

your heart might be cloudy   
your eyes might be pouring   
but the sun will shine   
in the early morning   
so don't go now  
the sun will rise again  
but until that day   
the moon will be your friend

it says goodnight each day  
in each and every way  
you talk about your yearnings   
and what you have been learning   
from dusk til dawn  
it's there to call upon

it catches your tears   
and puts them in the clouds  
it always says that it is proud  
with all your thoughts   
and all of your fears   
the moon is always near

though it's a new moon  
i'll always know it's you  
no matter where you are  
i know you're with the stars  
shining on the oceans tide  
i know you're by my side


	6. i wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of eating disorders if you're uncomfortable with this don't read  
> this one is unfinished

i wish i was pretty  
i wish i was smart  
i wish i was talented in some kind of art  
i wish i had clothes that don't look like shit  
but i don't cause i can't buy any of it  
i wish i was happy   
i wish i was grand  
i wish i could leave   
this fucking land  
i wish i was brave and tried something new  
but i cant when scared of all kinds of foods


	7. don't wake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of suicidal thoughts, and depression if you are uncomfortable with this don't read

i don't want to wake up in the morning  
i don't want to wake up this time  
happiness is all that i'm yearning  
tell me why do i not feel fine?  
i waste all of my time just learning  
none of which stays in my mind  
the earth spins around it's just turning  
a little spark of joy i want to find  
my brain plays a this game  
and it laughs at me  
it replays like a refrain  
making me unhappy  
i just want a stepping stone   
i just want to go back home  
i just want to be alone  
i just want to smash my phone  
i'm not gonna wake up in the morning  
i'm not gonna wake up this time  
happiness is what i'll be earning  
once it's done i will feel fine.


	8. acetone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of drug usage and suicidal thoughts if you are uncomfortable with this don't read

acetone   
what a wonderful smell  
but it's toxic   
and it brings me hell  
i smell it and i remember   
all the pain that i was in  
but it's an addiction   
so i always let it in  
i use it to wipe away the polish  
that i put on my own life  
it cuts through the air  
like a finely sharpened knife  
it burns my nose each time  
but i still smell it   
and i'll be fine  
i have the bottle here   
if i soon need it again  
but the next time that i smell it  
i know that i'll be dead


	9. pitcher

i throw the ball  
they catch it  
they take it  
they keep it

i throw another  
they catch it  
they take it   
they keep it

i throw another  
and another   
and another  
i throw until their smothered 

i throw until their covered  
i throw more than their mother  
they won't throw it to some other  
they keep it like their lover

they raise their hand to throw it back  
they toss it up and give a whack  
it's up in the air   
but it goes nowhere  
they play catch with themselves

i'm the pitcher   
never the catcher   
but we still play in rainy weather


	10. jester

i was meant to be perfect   
i was meant to be clean  
i was meant to be sharp   
i was meant to be a queen  
but my parents were pestered   
when i showed up as a jester  
acting like its halloween

they always see me smiling  
when yet i am defiling  
all my hopes and dreams  
bending to their words  
doing every little thing i heard  
to stay balanced on the beam

once i perform my act  
they comeback with a counterattack   
that it wasn't done perfectly  
i laugh it off and joke  
yet another thread had broke  
i hide it in my hat secretly

i am not perfect  
i am not clean   
i'm am not sharp  
i am not a queen  
i don't care if they are pestered  
for i am the jester   
and it is now my halloween


	11. i hâte that place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my description of the place i cheer at

i fucking hate that place

all the pain it brings all the memories of failure

god that place engraved hatred in my heart

i hâte that fucking place

the mats, the tears, the blood, the burns

The Mats, The Tears, The Blood, The Burns

**THE MATS, THE TEARS, THE BLOOD, THE BURNS**

it used to bring joy and excitement but now

it just withers me

it hacks at my brain

it rips my body

it floods my thoughts with agony

it doesn't smell

but the aroma is putrid

it's always hot and the air is heavy

it stares me down and burst through me

it's like daggers stabbing my limbs without end

i hate that place

brick confinement and tile to collapse on

i

hate

it


End file.
